Chevron Mustache
The Chevron is the Swiss Army knife of mustaches—versatile, reliable, and surprisingly good at opening bottles (okay, maybe not that last part). It's a thick, full mustache that covers the entire upper lip from corner to corner, creating an inverted V shape that would make any geometry teacher proud.
8-12 weeks
for full glory
If you can grow facial hair and own scissors, you're qualified
$5-$15
Cheaper than your Netflix subscription
6,000
Monthly searches • stable
Best For:
Literally anyone who can grow facial hair and wants to look 73% more distinguished
Warning:
May cause sudden urges to solve crimes in Hawaii
Measurements
Width
2.5-3.5 inches
Should extend to or slightly beyond the corners of your mouth, like a hairy smile that never leaves
Thickness
0.5-0.75 inches
Thick enough to filter soup, thin enough to not frighten children
Shape & Density
Shape: Natural downward curve following your lip line. No dramatic angles here—save those for your personality
Density: Full coverage that says 'I'm a man of substance' not 'I'm trying really hard'
Defining Features
- Full upper lip coverage
- Natural droop at corners
- No dramatic angles or styling
- Uniform thickness across
- Covers entire lip from corner to corner
The name comes from its resemblance to military chevron insignia—those upside-down V shapes on uniforms. But unlike military rank, anyone can achieve this distinguished look with just patience, a steady hand, and the ability to drink coffee very, very carefully for a few months.